Singles, How to Enjoy Valentine's Day

It's that time of year again.  Valentine's Day (aka Singles Awareness Day) can bring loneness and depression for millions of us.  There are plenty of Valentines Survival Guides for Singles out there.  One of my favorites is this one, Being Singleon Valentine's Day - A Survival Guide.  In this article, Dr. Laura S. Brown, professor of psychology at Argosy University/Seattle, offers tips on how singles can NOT let Valentine's Day defeated them.  My two favorite tips are:

Tip #3: Realize that Valentine’s Day is a commercial holiday. It is not about love and relationships; it is about selling flowers, candy, and diamond jewelry... 

Tip #7: ... People who never marry or partner have close, loving, emotionally intimate relationships and lives worth living.  Do not let a couple-driven culture define your choice as something wrong.

And remember that even for couples, Valentine's Day can bring them closer together or drive them apart.  So don't fret, having someone on Valentine's Day is not the end all be all.  In addition, I would like to add my own tips, not on how to survive Valentines Day, but actually enjoy it. 

First, treat yourself!  Give yourself flowers, candy, beautiful lingerie (or fancy boxers), jewelry, a spa day, etc.  Why? Why not?  You know what you like best.  Pamper yourself and feel beautiful.  Valentine's Day is about love, so love yourself first. 

Second, get out and do activities with other singles.  It's a great way to meet new people and not be alone for Valentines.  The Singles Community is growing and there a many Valentines events for singles out there now.  For example, HowAboutADate.com, dedicated to supporting and enriching the singles community, is doing three great events this year around Valentines.

Wow Your Date with Aphrodisiacs - a Cooking Class & more...   is a cooking class, nutrition class and aphrodisiacs class all rolled into one.  Spend an afternoon with other singles for this cooking class and enjoy the sinful meal afterwards. Sat Feb 2nd 4pm - 7:30pm, Berkeley CA. more info

Pre Valentines Singles Dinner and Dance Extravaganza!  Be greeted by Brandi's Angels of LOVE!  Enjoy a delicious 4 course dinner (optional) and dance the night away with hundreds of other beautiful singles.   Fri Feb 8th 7pm - 12am at the Silicon Valley Athletic Club in the elegant Corinthian Ballroom, San Jose CA.  more info

Valentine's Day Pre-Party Social Mixer.  Come early, meet and mingle with Silicon Valley's young professionals and San Francisco's elite socialites.  NO COVER BEFORE 10PM with RSVP.  This event is co-hosted by several of the SF Bay Area's hottest social groups, including EuroCircle and HowAboutADate.com.  more info

So singles, get out, treat yourself and enjoy life!  Make new friends, do fun activities, and enjoy everything that life has to offer, during Valentine's Day and all year round!

By Dao Nguyen

Founder, CEO and Social Instigator

5 Tips On How To Make That First Date Positively Memorable

First dates… they can be extremely nerve wracking. After all, you have to make small talk to make any kind of conversation. Saying hello is just not enough to make a great first impression. What can you do? Well, similar to the 6 Habits of Remarkably Likeable People, there are several things you can do to make it past “Hello” and “How are you”.

1 – Be Self-Confident

Parents generally teach their children to be confident and stand tall, and when it comes to making conversation with someone you want to date, this is extremely important to remember. You need to show some nonverbal self-confidence – shake hands using a firm grip, stand tall, etc.  Don’t go overboard with this self-confidence, as you’ll come across as being conceited.

For example, Stacy and Malcolm have met each other in the store. Malcolm strikes up a conversation with Stacy about the things around them. He’s showing Stacy how comfortable and confident he is to strike up a conversation with her. Of course, he doesn’t go overboard with this self-confidence. He smiles and is relaxed while he talks to her.

If you want to come across as confident, be sure you step up, relax, smile and act honored to get to know them.

2 – How To Touch Someone  
Nonsexual touch can be extremely influential. Touch does a number of things:

• Impact behavior
• Breaks barriers / distance
• It’s inviting / friendly
• It can make the other person feel more attractive

Don’t go overboard with the touching while on your date. Rather, touch them lightly on the shoulder or upper arm, and just once or twice only. Touch has the ability to crumble natural barriers and reduce the perceived distance between you and your date.

While Stacy and Malcolm talk, Stacy touches him lightly on the arm. The touch is soft and Malcolm does not mind at all. In fact, he sees her touch as being friendly and showing him interest.

3 – How To Learn About Your Date  
Have you ever been on a date with a guy or girl and thought the conversation between the two of you was great? After the date ended, and you started thinking back about the conversation and date, did you suddenly realize that you learned next to nothing about them?

These kinds of folks are known as Social Jiu-Jitsu artists, which mean they are great at getting you to talk solely about you, all without you knowing it’s going on.

When you’re on a first date, be sure you learn about the person you are with. Ask them different but relatively important questions – be open-minded about their answers and be really interested in what they are telling you. When you ask the right questions, you are showing your date both respect and interest.  And, really… showing them that you are interested in them!

For example, Malcolm and Stacy decide to get together for a date. Malcolm talks about the different things he’s into and Stacy listens with interest. However, after the date, Malcolm realizes that he found out next to nothing about Stacy. He’s worried that he came across as conceited, talking mainly about himself.

4 – Don’t Try To Be Better Than Your Date
Everybody has something they are good at, and if your date is better than you at something, let them be better at it than you.  You don’t want them thinking you are competitive at everything; so, lose at something they are good at. Let them know your failings; it’s okay to be a little vulnerable. After all, your date wants see the real person you are.

Both Malcolm and Stacy decide to go bowling. Stacy can practically bowl a perfect game; Malcolm… not so much. Malcolm lets her know that he’s not as good as her but will do his best. Stacy is impressed with Malcolm’s self-confidence that he can admit to being not so good at something.  With expectations understood, they play a low key game of bowling and Stacy is able to show off her talents. Her positive glow is reflected in Malcolm who allowed her to feel good about herself.     

5 – How To End The Date  
When it comes to ending a first date, you want to make a lasting impression on the guy or gal, especially if the date went well for you. How do you do this without taking it into a territory of being uncomfortable?  Be sure you smile and let them know that you had a good time. If you feel uncomfortable with a kiss on the lips, consider kissing them lightly on the cheek or give them a hug.  Or if you are not sure how they feel, never try to insist on a kiss on the lips. You always want them to feel comfortable with you.  Sometimes, it’s the simplest gestures that make a real impression on someone.

Malcolm and Stacy’s date is coming to an end. Malcolm would like to kiss Stacy but thinks he’ll come on too strong doing that. He’s worried that she’ll take it the wrong way. He decides to smile and give her a peck on the cheek and hug her. Stacy smiles at him after he pulls away and tells Malcolm she had a great time. They promise to get together again soon.

Yes, it can be difficult to go out with someone for the first time. However, it doesn’t have to be nerve-wracking or hard. With the above first date tips, you can be sure that your first date can be a positively memorable one.

by Susan
Guest blogger for HowAboutADate.com

Dancing Past the Details...

Women are their own worst enemies when it comes to men.  We assess, examine, evaluate, and totally miss the most important things. We pursue relationships, not friendships, and most guys don’t stand a snowball’s chance of making the cut.  The end of 2012 found me at the bottom of the ladder: alone in a strange city, unemployed and broke, and I was so glad to see 2012 go.  

I went with a couple of girlfriends to a redneck bar intending to get drunk and dance alone.  I looked up and discovered a nice smile wanting to dance with me.  My date was the music so I didn’t pay much attention to his appearance except to notice his long hair.  I liked the way he moved.  He was smooth and steady with a great sense of rhythm. We danced for hours.  

Even though he was drinking he was in check, keeping a nice distance, not getting handsy.  I fell off my shoes and he laughed as he caught me. He was respectful and attentive and I felt totally comfortable in his presence, before we’d even said a handful of words to each other.  Later I found out the unimportant details, but I already knew from the dance floor that he was confident with a good streak of humility; could cut loose and still be well mannered; and wasn’t afraid to give a stranger his undivided attention.  

When we finally talked, He told me he drove a truck for a living, in a tone like he was confessing a crime.  He was surprised when I said I didn’t choose my friends by their occupation.  I wasn’t worried, because I already knew he was a decent guy.  For an hour we finished each others' sentences as we discovered we loved the same places, had read the same books, had the same hobbies.   

We’ve seen each other several times since then, and 2013 is off to a great start!  I’m sure glad we didn’t meet at the bar, because I would not have looked twice at him.  I would have assessed, examined and evaluated. Lucky for me we became friends on the dance floor.

Syrrh

Guest Blogger for HowAboutADate.com
 

My New Year’s Resolution: Date More!

Each New Year offers the promise of a fresh start.  We singles are ready to shed ourselves of past boyfriends or girlfriends, and no matter what dating dramas we dealt with last year, we are now able to have a completely new outlook on life and on dating… which can lead to unexpected love.

Since there is so much excitement and promise for the New Year, it is the perfect time to start dating again (or start dating more).  Remember, the most important aspect to dating and meeting new people is to just HAVE FUN! Letting go of negative emotions, fear of the unknown or rejection, and keeping a positive mind frame and staying open to trying new things will get you far in finding the man or woman of your dreams.

Don’t be afraid of online dating. Online dating is a wonderful option for different types of people - the people who are just too busy, haven't had luck with friends setting them up, or even just looking for a new perspective on dating.  The post-Christmas period is the busiest time of year for internet dating sites, so there are more chances for you to meet a really fun, exciting new date.  So get out there and have some fun!

Again, it is important to HAVE FUN on your date.  For example, coffee dates are not much fun because they tend to be “interview dates” (you know, when it feels more like an interview than a date).  Instead, try going to an event or do activity together for your first date.  Some great date ideas include: First Friday Oakland – Street Art, Culture, Food and Entertainment, an afternoon at the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts, or just some casual outdoor swing dance with Lindy in the Park.  Our events page is a great place to get ideas for events! When you’re doing something you enjoy, you’re more relaxed and you can be more yourself.  You can get to know the other person for who they really are, and they you.  In the end, even if you two decide not to go on a second date, at least you did something fun.  That’s how dating should be – enjoyed!

Melanie

Social Instigator

HowAboutADate.com