Communication Advice for Texting & Talking

Every time I find myself out and about, I see about 90% of people on their cell phones. 

Friend me, follow me, invite me, connect with me, email me, text me, Google me. 




How about let's talk? Communication and how people perceive communication is changing rapidly and seems to be evolving to text only. How do we navigate in a world so unknown, so ambiguous and seemingly not so personal? Our reliance on text only conversations seems to make actual conversation with real people feel like a challenge. Much of our communication is happening asynchronously and mainly online, and can lead to a degradation in ones' ability to hold a real, meaningful conversation on a whim, which means that YOU NEED TO GET OUT MORE OFTEN.

Here are some tips for communicating in any medium whether its virtual or face-to-face.


1) Be a human, not just a cardboard cutout. Networking is more than being present, be active! Show your human spirit. 
2) Begin with the "give" and not the "get." Focus on what you can do for the person rather than what you can get from them. 
3) Ask questions. Getting to know what's important to someone enables you to help them. It's also great to show interest in what the other person is saying because it gets them to open up and show their true colors.
4) Steer the conversation, but don't force anything. If someone keeps changing the subject on you, there is a reason behind it. Be respectful and follow their lead.
5) Be authentic. Pretty straightforward, don't try to be something you're not. You shine when you are your true self.
6) Take the online, offline. The best relationships are not just sustained through one dimension. Learn to have a duality in ways to communicate and don't hesitate  to turn an email into a phone call, a comment into coffee, a LinkedIn invite into lunch. 
7) Balance out the conversation, make sure there is a flow going where both of you are listening as well as talking. This happens to me a lot, where I am being polite and asking questions and I take the time to listen to a person but they never ask questions back. It's a HUGE turnoff when someone starts to spew out themselves like they're a walking CV or resume. If you care about the other person, show it. If you don't, at least pretend. Being polite is incredibly important. 

Hopefully these tips help you! Just remember to always be considerate of other peoples feelings.


Sarah Alikhan
Social Instigator for...



Do what you love... and love will find you

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Flirting Tips & Advice

Last week HowAboutADate.com co-hosted a seminar with Maya Diamond on "How to Communicate Effectively".  While the seminar was educational, everyone wanted to learn more about communicating with others in a dating environment.  This led to the idea of doing a workshop and article on flirting!  Everyone can learn something new about flirting and it's one of the most important factors when meeting new people.    This article is designed to help you  'wet your palette' and learn some new flirting tips.  Scholars have discovered in recent studies that men use the flirting to initiate sex while women use flirting to gain attention.

Everyone has their own styles of flirting and some people are really successful while others are not.  One thing I've learned is that if you're an experienced and confident flirt, you can win out over much better looking competition.  I've compiled a brief example of several different styles of flirting.  It's important to find out what works for you and the best way to do this is practice, practice, practice.

Flirting is an art, not a science.  As with any art, the more you practice the better you get.

Eyes:  I've had full on 'conversations' with women before without even saying a word.  You can say a lot with the way you look at someone.  It's important to learn how to flirt with your eyes without being to excessive.  The goal is to 'tease' and not creep out.  I don't ever recommend maintaining eye contact or staring at one person for longer than 3-4 seconds at a time.  Of course during the conversation, eye contract is extremely important, but leading up to that don't stare the person down.  The trick is to show confidence and be a little mysterious without 'undressing' the other person with your eyes.  Once you've mastered flirting with your eyes you'll notice that starting conversations will be much easier.

Body Positioning: It's important to keep an appropriate distance at the start of a conversation.  This distance is always changing depending on the location.  You'll be closer to the person if you're in a loud venue and are having a hard time hearing each other.  As the conversation carries on you'll find that you can move closer and closer to the other person (given you're both comfortable with it).  It's good to face the person you're talking to and keep a relaxed and confident posture.

Confidence: There is a fine line between confident and cocky.  It's crucial that you're able to show off your confidence without falling in love with yourself.  Keep you chin up, stand like you own the place, and smile playfully.  Confidence is all about you, you have to be comfortable, calm, and collective.

Touching: Touching is a very touchy subject.  Touching can help get you to the next stages of flirting but it can also land you in hot water.  You need to know how much touching the other person is ready for.  It's good to be flirtatious without forcing the other person into an uncomfortable situation.  I typically start with brief touches on the arm or hand.  If the conversation is taking off it's usually okay to move for the 'arm around the back'.  I'm also a big high fiver... I have yet to prove that it's a successful technique yet.

Online Flirting / Text Messaging: With the growing popularity and use of social media and mobile devices, flirting has escalated to a new level.  Flirting online is a whole different situation and has allowed for many shy people to express themselves.  Check out our upcoming article to learn more about flirting online.

Conversation:  Conversation is something that can be practiced, but ultimately, if you're not interested in what the other person is saying, the conversation will go poorly.  Remember that everyone wants to talk about themselves, this means that you need to be humble and talk less about yourself and let your date talk more about themselves.  It's good to ask more detailed questions, that shows that you're listening and actually interested in what the other person is talking about. Women want to feel sexy, you need to make them feel desirable and compliment them as much as possible.  Men don't usually need as much flattery but do enjoy having to work a little to get the girl.

Now that you've learned some new things, you're ready to test them out!  Keep your eye out for our upcoming workshop where you'll have the opportunity to test your new skills and practice your moves in real situations.  You're always welcome to come out to our meetup events or sign-up and post a date on HowAboutADate.com if you want to get some more practice in!

Happy Flirting ~


Arthur G. Bahr
Social Instigator for...


Do what you love... and love will find you


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Date Night: Restaurant Recommendations

A perfect date can come in many forms, but the outcome is always the same- connecting with someone in an intimate environment. When people describe a perfect date, it usually revolves around feeling some sparks and feeling a connection to the other person as well as the environment you guys are in. There are so many different places that you can go to in San Francisco that provide intimate settings, but here is our list of favorite restaurants to take your date out to!

If you're feeling... FRENCH
151 Noe St
(between 15th St & Henry St) 
San Francisco, CA 94114
Neighborhood: Duboce Triangle
If you're looking for an environment which is wonderfully cozy and intimate, check out L'ardoise Bistro. They serve up some of the most delicious Coq au Vin and Filet Mignon in town. Finish it all off with a nice glass of champagne to woo your date.

If you're feeling.... ITALIAN
Allegro Romano
1701 Jones St
(between Broadway St & Glover St) 
San Francisco, CA 94109
Neighborhood: Russian Hill

If you're looking for something intimate and away from tourists, check out Allegro Romano. They serve up some amazing pastas including the White Truffle Tortellini with Pesto featured above, as well as other authentic Italian dishes such as Lobster Ravioli and the crowd pleasure- Willie's Favorite. Finish it all off with a full-bodied glass of Zinfandel to call it an evening.

If you're feeling... ADVENTUROUS.
Burma Superstar
309 Clement St
(between 5th Ave & 4th Ave) 
San Francisco, CA 94118
Neighborhood: Inner Richmond

If full flavor is what you're looking for, check out Burma Superstar. Burmese cuisine is a cross of Thai and Indian cuisines, and features some of the most delectable flavors for the palate. The sesame beef is pictured above. The rainbow salad, burmese style curry and coconut rice are noteworthy, and the music really adds to the intimate atmosphere.

If you're feeling... like DRINKS and TAPAS,
Alegrias
2018 Lombard St
(between Fillmore St & Webster St) 
San Francisco, CA 94123
Neighborhood: Marina/Cow Hollow
If tapas and drinks are what you're looking for rather than the whole dinner, check out Alegrias. The paella is a customer favorite and is featured above, and their sangria is also worth mention. They also have Manchego cheese flambe! This is a perfect place for a romantic tapas date.

If you're feeling... like a FANCY BURGER (AND A GOOD ONE AT THAT)
Umami Burger
2184 Union St
(between Webster St & Fillmore St) 
San Francisco, CA 94123
Neighborhood: Marina/Cow Hollow

If a savory burger is what you fancy, Umami Burger is the place for you. Featured above is the Manly Burger (basically a bacon cheeseburger but better), and Umami Burger serves up an assortment of specialty burgers. Crowd pleasers are the Hatch Burger, which includes delectable green onions and is on the spicier side, but if you prefer sweeter tastes, the Umami Burger is for you. Other interesting burger options include the Bone Marrow Burger and Bacon Scallop Pork Belly Burger. Amazing sweet potato fries as well! Classy burger place.
If you're feeling... like DESSERT
1335 Fulton St
(between Broderick St & Divisadero St) 
San Francisco, CA 94117
Neighborhood: NoPa
Candybar offers an intimate setting, with great desserts, drinks and board games! Featured above is the Vanilla Brioche with Figs and Almond Ice Cream which is a customer favorite, along with Drunken S'mores and Apple Pie a la mode. Definitely worth trying and a great sweet tooth appeaser. 

Now that you've got some awesome ideas for places to take someone out to eat to, post a date now to see who'll take you up on the offer! :D Check out HowAboutADate.com and post a date today! 

If not now, then when? 

Sarah Alikhan
Social Instigator for...
HowAboutADate.com
d a t i n g  s i m p l i f i e d 

Do what you love... and love will find you




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Pickup Lines to Avoid


Have you ever been sitting at the bar and spot someone attractive a few seats away?  You want to approach the person and come off as cool and confident but can’t decide how to start the conversation.   This article will focus on what pickup lines NOT to use and how you can start a conversation off correctly.  I’ve gone ahead and listed several popular pickup lines that I recommend avoiding at ALL costs.
  • Great Legs, What Time Do They Open?
  • Hey girl, guess what? It’s your lucky day. Out of all the girls here, I picked you to talk to.
  •  Are those space pants? Because your ass is out of this world.
  • Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants.
  •  Are you free tonight? or is it going cost me.
  • Can I have directions? "To where?" To your heart.
  •  I'll be Burger King and you be McDonald's. I'll have it my way, and you'll be lovin' it.
If you’re someone with some sense of humor (and you can tell that the other person has a good sense of humor) then these pickups lines may work as an ice breaker.  These will only work if used in a funny/fun type of way and there is still a large chance that you will be turned down.
  • Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk past again?
  •  Can I have your phone number? I seem to have lost mine.
  • Is your last name Gillette? Because you’re the best a man can get.
  • I don't know if you know this, but you look a lot like my next girlfriend
  • Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
  • You must be a heck of a thief 'cause you stole my heart from across the room.
  •  I'm sorry, were you talking to me? "No." Well then, please start.
  •  Is there a rainbow? Cause you're the treasure I've been searching for.
Of course the BESTway to meet new people is the old fashioned way.  Start with “hi” and introduce yourself.  Kick off the conversation with simple and non-personal questions until you’re both comfortable with talking to each other.  It’s always a bonus if you can learn something about the person from overhearing a previous conversation (without being creepy!).  If I heard someone mention that they hate their job to the bar tender I’d see that as a perfect opportunity to introduce myself and let them know that I overheard them and am curious as to why they hate their job and what they might want to do instead.  This shows that I’m interested and it breaks the ice.  I don’t recommend trying to give advice at this point, your job is to listen and support the person venting.  This also helps build a ‘connection’ between the two of you as you share personal experiences.

I recommend looking back at Just the Tips of the Iceberg and reading about being confident and professional.

Arthur G. Bahr
Social Instigator for...


Do what you love... and love will find you


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Happiness In a Nutshell

Achievement is said to be one of the major components of happiness. 





Set goals for yourself and work towards achieving them!
If you're on the hunt for love and partnership, get out there and make sure to post a date on HowAboutADate.com! Find fun activities to engage in here.

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Finding the Right 'Hangout'


Where you ‘hangout’ can say a lot about who you are.  This isn't always the case but it is likely that you will see a ‘specific’ crowd depending on which restaurant or bar you choose to visit.  This week’s article is going to focus on how you can find new ‘hang outs’ and meet any type of person you want!

It’s important to find a location that reflects how you want to be seen.  If you are a business professional and are looking to network or meet other professionals you should stick to more ‘elegant’ restaurants and bars located near business areas.  It’s also important to pick your visiting times wisely.  Going out at 10pm will attract a different crowd than going out at 5pm.  The most important thing is to find a place that you feel comfortable in.  Is the staff nice, is the ambiance relaxing, are the people there the type of crowd you want to associate yourself with?
There are tons of websites out there that help you find locations and recommendations.  I've listed a few useful sites below that can help you find a fun atmosphere.

SOSH
Sosh is a really cool and simple site that shows tons of fun activities and includes reviews and details on all different types of restaurants.

YELP
Yelp is the most popular site for customer reviews.  You’re able to see pictures and reviews regarding specific locations.

Party Earth
Looking for something with a little more tempo?  Party Earth is a very informative site with tons of details about upcoming events and restaurant specials.

Now you have the tools to find fun places and events.  You can either check out some of these locations on your own or you can join HowAboutADate.com and meet others that are interested in similar locations and activities(having company sounds much more fun!).


Arthur G. Bahr
Social Instigator for...


Do what you love... and love will find you


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Natural Beauty



Since we've been discussing all the basics of dating, including attraction and communication, here are some tips for you to make sure that you're always looking your best... NATURALLY! We all know beauty comes from the inside and if you're feeling good on the inside, you look your best on the outside. Here are some ways in which you can improve your mental as well as physical health to assure that you are looking the best you possibly can!

1) EAT HEALTHY. Eating healthier foods like fish, veggies and fresh fruit can not only give you more energy, but makes your skin glow and your hair shinier. You can still eat other foods, but make sure to lower your intake of fat, and refined sugar. Many foods have empty calories, so avoid them. 

For glowing skin, eat: DINO KALE (the ultimate superfood containing all vitamins K, A, C, and B6 as well as calcium, iron, magnesium and potassium), PINEAPPLE (vitamin C), QUINOA (magnesium, protein), WALNUTS (omega 3s), and AVOCADO (antioxidant, vitamin K).

For healthy hair, eat: SALMON (protein, vitamin D, omega 3s), OYSTERS (zinc), SWEET POTATOES (beta carotene), EGGS (protein, zinc, selenium, sulfur and iron), and SPINACH (iron, beta carotene, folate, vitamin C). 

2) CONSUME HEALTHY LIQUIDS. Making sure to take in plenty of cool water a day is essential. Water flushes away the toxins and gives your skin a natural glow. Avoid caffeine and too much alcohol.

3) RUN/ENGAGE IN CARDIO FOR 40 MINUTES - AN HOUR EACH DAY. We know this can be hard with busy schedules, but getting a morning or evening run/elliptical/dance session in not only improves your overall mood, but speeds up your metabolism. If you can't workout everyday, aim for at least 4-5 times a week. It's truly helpful.

4) MOISTURIZE YOUR SKIN DAILY, EXFOLIATE ONCE A WEEK. Moisturizing will keep skin soft and will assure beautiful skin as you age. Only exfoliate your skin once or twice a week to wake up your skin and give it a healthy glow. 

5) STAND TALL WITH GREAT POSTURE. Make sure to roll your shoulders a few times to feel where they really should be. Keep your chin up. Not only does great posture improve your physical appearance, but you also internalize that confidence you feel when standing tall. 

6) GET AT LEAST 7 HOURS OF SLEEP EVERY NIGHT. Pretty self explanatory. It makes all the difference.

7) TRY YOGA or YOGA POSITIONS WHEN YOU WAKE UP/BEFORE YOU GO TO BED. Here are some that you can do: Yoga Poses

7) DRINK WINE (in moderation). According to a 2011 report from the University of Florida, a polyphenol compound which is naturally found in red wine (resveratrol) may have "anti-aging, anti-carcinogenic, anti-inflammatory and antioxidant properties." One glass of wine for women and no more than two for men per day is healthy. Wine can help delay the body's aging process.

8) PURCHASE A TONGUE BRUSH. Yes, a tongue brush. A toothbrush is designed with bristles that are only effective for brushing your teeth. A tongue brush, with its rougher surface, gets all that gunk that's left on your tongue from that garlic doused fettucini alfredo that you ate last night out of your mouth. Fresh breath is essential, and if you have bad breath despite being an avid tooth-brusher, it's because you need a tongue brush.

Hopefully these tips are helpful. And now, to end with one of my favorite Audrey Hepburn quotes...



For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others,
For beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness,
And for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.


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Quiz Time!


Pop Quiz

Dating ischallenging.  It’s never easy to figure out what type of ‘dater’ you are, if you’re good at flirting, or if you’re even searching for the right person.  We’ve provided lots of useful blog articles on how to improve your dating abilities and experience.  Now it’s time to take some quizzes!
Here are some quizzes for males and females that will help you understand yourself a little better.   





What Type of Person Do You Attract?
This is a simple quick quiz that breaks down what type of person you attract the most!
http://www.gotoquiz.com/what_type_of_person_do_you_attract

What Kind of Lover Are You?
Another quick quiz that breaks down what type of lover you are.
http://www.gotoquiz.com/what_kind_of_lover_are_you_3

Rate Your Dating Skills
Fun simple ‘scantron’ style quiz that scores you.
http://www.surrenderedsingle.com/quiz.html


Females Only:
Do You Know How to Attract a Guy?
http://www.cosmopolitan.com/quizzes-games/online-quiz/cosmo-quiz-how-to-attract-guys

Are You a Great Date?
http://www.cosmopolitan.com/quizzes-games/online-quiz/cosmo_quiz_are_you_a_great_date


It never hurts to learn as much as you can about the opposite sex.  I’ve personally poked around on www.cosmopolitan.com just to see what the women are reading and what is trending (and I usually learn a lot!).   These quizzes should help you better grasp your skills or personality and allow for you to focus on your strengths!

We have lots of events in April that are displayed on our ‘How AboutA Date?’ Meetup.  These events, along with dates on HowAboutADate.com, are awesome ways to get out there and test what works and what doesn't.  You also get to meet awesome people in the process!!

I’ll see you at our next event,

Arthur G. Bahr
Social Instigator for...


Do what you love... and love will find you
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Importance of Communication


Communication isn't always as simple as a conversation.  There are tons of different types of nonverbal communication which consist of your attire, body language, word selection, and more.  Throughout my time in San Francisco and other cities I've learned that lots of people communicate in different ways.  Some people are more verbal, some more visual, and some just think everyone is telepathic.  Regardless, it’s important to be able to define what type of communication you use and what type the person across from you uses. 

If you want to start and maintain a positive conversation with someone, it’s vital that you show positive body language and begin the conversation in an appropriate manner.  Most people lose track of the conversation and begin to talk heavily about themselves.  The most important thing to do is to find common ground, something that connects you to this other person and use that as an anchor.  Being able to relate to someone, especially if the topic is unique, can be the biggest motivator in a conversation. 

You have to listen!  People tend to ask questions that they want to be asked.  When someone asks if you have any siblings, it’s a good bet that they want you to ask the same question and they probably have a unique situation to tell you about or a good story.  If someone mentions that they love their career, it’s probably a good idea to ask more about their career and why they are passionate about it.  They will enjoy explaining it to you and they will be excited to know that you’re interested. 

Online conversation can be essential to actually meeting up.  It’s important to get back to people in a timely manner and with an appropriate response.  Try to avoid being extremely vague, but don’t get too personal.  It’s good to get to know each other a little more before diving into an awkward situation.  Try to avoid pressuring the person into anything and don't make them feel obligated to meet up, make them want to meet up!

Communication can make or break a friendship or relationship.  Life will be very difficult and frustrating if you can’t communicate correctly.  On top of communication is timing.  It’s important to know what to say when and where.  The old cliché is talking about your ex on your first outing with a new date.  That’s always a sure way to ruin your chances of a second date, of course sometimes it isn't accidental.
I hope this information is beneficial for you and I hope that you now understand the importance of knowing how to communicate properly.

I'm looking forward to seeing you communicate on HowAboutADate.com and would love to see you in action at one of our meetups!


Arthur G. Bahr
Social Instigator for...


Do what you love... and love will find you
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