How to Start Dating Again After a Breakup

Dating is much like a job.  There is typically some sort of interview process that we must go through before being accepted as a candidate.  Once you've gotten the job, the real fun can begin!  The beginning of a relationship is usually full of fond memories and romantic outings.  Some relationships continue to have these amazing times and continue to blossom, always presenting new twists to spark the relationship.  Others dwindle and die... Sometimes a breakup can be an easy process with two accepting parties while other times it's more difficult and even hostile.  Depending on the person, some people are ready for the breakup and are able to move on rather quickly and cleanly.  On the other hand, some relationships leave a mark and are more difficult to get past.

Dating after being in a relationship can be one of the most difficult things to motivate yourself to do.  I see it as there are two different scenarios.  You're either ready to be free and just have fun or you're unable to let go of the past and just want to seclude yourself and avoid contact with anyone that may be a potential partner.  When people are getting back into the dating scene after a tough breakup, their friends are typically invaluable as pillars of support.  If your friends aren't very supportive of you it makes the process much more difficult and effects your confidence moving forward. 

The best thing to do is to just get out and meet new people.  You don't have to be looking for a relationship, or even someone to flirt with.  It's just good to get out and make new friends and meet new people and it'll help keep your mind off of your ex.  Before you know it you'll have some new friends, new options, and will be happy and moved on.

Arthur G. Bahr

Entering a Conversation with Others

As fun as it can be to go out by yourself in San Francisco, not many people venture off on their own.  Sometimes you find yourself stuck in a situation where you want to talk to someone you find attractive or interesting but they’re in a group or with a friend.  One of the toughest situations is starting a conversation with someone who’s brought a friend because it’s intimidating and sometimes the person puts off a less social vibe.  The first and most important thing to establish is if the person is looking to talk to someone or if they’re just out to have a good time and catch up with their friend.

I’m going to review some scenarios that show how you can start a conversation and analyze what the person’s motives are.  There are a few steps and observations that I’m going to go over that can make all the difference!

Deciding if they’re there to meet someone can depend on where you are.  The circumstances change depending on the venue and environment.  Your approach will be different for people that are at a loud venue or club opposed to being at a quiet lounge or even a coffee shop.  The approach will also vary depending on if you’re male or female.  Females typically don’t have to do much more than a few basic flirting techniques to get a guy to start a conversation.

Check out our article on Flirting Tips and Advice.

Men on the other hand have a little more work to do.  They need to be able to figure out if the women are there for “girls night” or if they want some company.  The biggest tell is the eyes.  If a women is looking around or not fully involved in the conversation with their friend it typically means they’re open to meet someone new.  If you can make eye contact once or even twice with that person, you’ve already kicked off the introductions.

When approaching a group or friends it’s important to not disrespect anyone. Avoid interrupting conversation or trying to sit down immediately.  It’s good to start with a hello and introduction.  If you're creative you can throw in a line about something relevant.  But don't try to hard to be funny and definitely don't say anything that someone could find offensive.  It’s almost impossible to remember everyone’s name but make sure you focus on remembering the person of interest’s name! 

If the conversation dies out or you begin to feel a little uncomfortable you can politely excuse yourself with a "well it was nice meeting you, I'm going to go [do something]."  If the conversation kicks off and you've been accepted into the group it's important to give everyone an appropriate amount of attention (let them all talk and listen to them) but give the person your interested in the most attention and even possibly try to make some more eye contact.  When you're talking to the whole group try to keep topics open and unpersonal.  If things are moving well and you're sitting/standing next to the person of interest and you've made some eye contact when talking, you can begin a smaller and more personal conversation with that person and eventually break away from the group for another round of drinks. 

If there is only one other friend then you need to be very respectful and polite to them. They're typically the one who will dictate if you stay and chat or not!  In this scenario you probably won't be able to break away from the friend, but you can entertain them with good conversation and plan another date or exchange contact information after the end of the night.

I hope this information helps!  The last thing to remember is confidence,  you have to be confident but appropriate to get accepted to the group and it's always good to try and make people laugh.

Keep an eye out for upcoming workshops for flirting and moving a conversation along on our Meetup page!

Arthur G. Bahr

Social Instigator for...

HowAboutADate.com  d  a  t  i  n  g    s  i  m  p  l  i  f  i  e  d

Do what you love... and love will find you

How to Suggest a Good Date

Coming up with good date ideas can be difficult.  Everyone likes different things and has different abilities and skills.  The goal of HowAboutADate.com is to come up with a date based around an activity that you’re passionate about because when you're doing what you love is when your personality shines. Take a second to really think about what you’re hobbies are, what you do for fun, and what you’d like to do with someone else. 

Now that you have an idea of some things that you enjoy doing, you can begin to think of things that will compliment that date and be fun for you and your date.  For example, if my fun activity was to go bowling I’d think of some fun places to bowl and some fun activities that compliment bowling that my date and I could do before, during, or after bowling.  I live in the Mission and happen to have been to Mission Bowl before and know that it is a really hip bowling alley with a bar that provides food and drinks while bowling or lounging.  With this knowledge I could plan a date that involves grabbing a drink or bite while waiting for a lane to open up or during or after bowling a round or two.  This makes for a multi-leveled date. This means that there is one main activity that I’m passionate about, allowing me to be comfortable and myself while on the date and at the same time have other activities that help “break the ice” or keep the date going even after the activity has ended.  I recommend having another “after the date” activity lined up that could be a fun suggestion if the date is going really well.  Make sure there are enough activities to really get to know each other without already getting sick of each other!

Here are a few more date examples that have complimenting activities.

• Attend a symphonywith drinks before to get to know each other or after to discuss the show.

• Plan a bike ridedown the embarcadero and grab lunch at a café with a view along the way.

• Show up early to a trivia night at a local bar to get to know each other before showing off your skills.

• Pack a sandwich and go for a hike with a relaxing picnic break.

You can also check out Nifty Date Ideas for more suggestions.

Now you're ready to get on HowAboutADate.com and post your date!

Arthur G. Bahr

Social Instigator for...

HowAboutADate.com  d  a  t  i  n  g    s  i  m  p  l  i  f  i  e  d

Do what you love... and love will find you

Meeting New People for a Good Cuase

Volunteering is a great way to give back to the community and is often very rewarding.   Not only do you feel great after doing volunteer work, it’s also a perfect opportunity to meet new friends!  Lots of singles do volunteer work because it gives them the opportunity to meet new people and at the same time do something rewarding. There are several organizations around the Bay Area that help provide these opportunities to give back.  Furthermore, most people are attracted to someone who is willing to put in volunteer work and give back to the community.  Everyone loves someone who cares!  I’ve listed descriptions of different organizations that do volunteer work around the Bay Area.

OneBrick.org - One Brick provides support to local non-profit and community organizations by creating a unique, social and flexible volunteer environment for those interested in making a concrete difference in the community. One Brick enables people to get involved, have an impact and have fun, without the requirements of individual long-term commitments.

Openhand.org - Project Open Hand is a nonprofit organization that provides meals with loveto seniors and the critically ill. Every day, Openhand prepares 2,500 nutritious meals and provides 400 bags of healthy groceries to help sustain clients as they battle serious illnesses, isolation, or the health challenges of old age. They serve San Francisco and Alameda Counties, engaging more than 125 volunteers every day to nourish our community.

Volunteermatch.org -  Volunteermatch connects you with local non-profits that are in need of help and are looking for volunteers.

Volunteerinfo.org - The purpose of this website is to provide information about volunteer opportunities in the San Francisco Bay Area. Hopefully, volunteerism will be stimulated and facilitated by letting potential volunteers know about the wide range of opportunities open to them and by giving Bay Area non-profit organizations a means of publishing their goals and needs.

Thevolunteercenter.net - Today, The Volunteer Center works closely with agencies to provide thousands of opportunities for volunteers of all ages. They offer a wide range of resources, consulting and training services, and provide a strong network for organizations in the area. Their goal is to strengthen and improve local communities through these main channels.

Arthur G. Bahr

Social Instigator for...

HowAboutADate.com  d  a  t  i  n  g    s  i  m  p  l  i  f  i  e  d

Do what you love... and love will find you